Chapter 5 Defining the Self: Identity and Intimacy | EDSP 373, Study notes of Educational Psychology

Download Chapter 5 Defining the Self: Identity and Intimacy | EDSP 373 and more Study notes Educational Psychology in PDF only on Docsity! Chapter 5 Defining the Self: Identity and Intimacy Kegan (1982, 1984) -> giving meaning to experiences-> Reality is seen from which is “me” is and which isn’t “me." When we give meaning to events out there, our sense of self in relations to these events also change. These changes start within the family. Relationships are renegotiated with parents during adolescence. Puberty is the reason why. The biological changes that take effect loom as an explanation. Puberty ushers in increased conflict and decreased closeness with parents. Expectations change. Adolescents expect to be treated in more adult ways, to be given autonomy, and a greater say in family decision making. Parents expect adolescents to be more responsible and to act in more adult ways. Conflict frequently results. A second factor contributing to renegotiation of relationships is the way adolescents begin to think. This new thinking gives adolescents new perspectives from which to view themselves and their relationships with others. In giving meaning to their experiences, adolescents actively construct the events to which they respond, putting together a reality that makes sense, given the way they perceive their world. Adolescents organize their meaning of the self in terms of their relationship with their parents. When talking about themselves they speak in terms of their relationships with others, parents, peers, etc. In order for the adolescents to relate differently to her mother, she must be able to see herself differently. She must be able to distinguish her needs and feelings of the moment from her larger sense of who she is, from her sense of self. Kegan characterizes this differentiation as, “I” no longer am my needs…I have them. This distinction brings with it the possibility of not only coordinating her needs but coordinating them with the needs of others, ushering in the potential for mutuality. In recognizing the needs of her mother as well as her own, and the obligation of each toward the other, she will have stepped out of the role of a child with a parent, into a relationship characterized by greater mutuality. Feelings of loneliness by Eddie-> the mutuality being spoken about can take years to achieve. He didn’t want to be seen as a kid anymore, nor did he want to be like his parents. Eddie had lost something. He had lost the self he had known himself to be, and he had not put together a way of being to step into when he stepped out of the other. Change at any age is not easy, and the more people involved, the more difficult it is, for as adolescents define themselves in new ways, so, too, must those around them, most notably their parents. Why is it so hard to forge new meaning of the self in adolescence? In part it is because adolescents must gain hold of a new way of being. But they must do something else as well. They must also let go of, or be willing to lose, the self they have always known. 1 The type of support they receive from the environment in which this process takes place- their relationships with their parents will determine their success. What is involved in gaining this new sense of self? Many adolescents mistakenly assume, as they begin to get a sense of themselves, that they are unique-completely different and separate from others. They are unique, and this highlights their separateness. But their uniqueness is grounded in their most intimate relationship and is experienced fully only when relating to others. Adolescents also share commonalities with others that are as important as their differences-the need to feel good about themselves, to feel a sense of accomplishment, to be loved. Their sense of connectedness with others gives them the security to explore themselves. Adolescents search for the truth about themselves begins when the separate worlds in which they live begin to pull apart. They see themselves as more than their parents children, to question where the skills they are acquiring in school will take them, to ask who they will be living with in the future. Autonomy and Individuation Drama->the stage is at home as adolescents interact with their parents->pressing for autonomy. In winning new responsibilities, they discover strengths that are uniquely theirs and that distinguish them from their parents, a process known as individuation. Autonomy Autonomy-> learning to be more independent and responsible for their actions; being a part of the decision making process; asking to be treated as an adult; they come to feel more confident about the choices they make and their ability to do things on their own. The number of decision made increase with age. Birth order is a factor as well as being male or female (influenced by mothers’ attitude toward gender roles). Decision Making->begins with how much adolescents think and feel they will keep secrets from their parents, which is thought of negatively (having something to hide). But might secrecy have a positive side to it as well? After all, to keep a secret means that one chooses what to reveal, and has sufficient self-control to follow through with that. Secrets separate adolescents; secrets define a type of boundary between adolescents and their parents that, when controlled through what they reveal or conceal, contributes to adolescents’ sense of independence. Bids for greater autonomy might be expected to occasion some conflict with parents, and they do. Most conflicts are over household routines; most involve the mother; parenting style is an issue (mothers with their daughter need for autonomy); for boys, age is the single most important determinant of increasing independence. 2 in which members delight in examining their differences yet experience connectedness with each other. Adolescents low in individuation typically have families who avoid disagreeing with each other and are so responsive to others’ opinion that they cannot form a differing opinion of their own (message: it is important to agree). Adolescents from these families must express the family point of view in order to voice anything at all. Adolescents who can express their separateness from other members of the family are freer to develop their own point of view. Even so, their explorations take place in an emotional context of connectedness, which provides the security that allows them to examine ideas. Discussion: Do you believe this is a way for parents to control their adolescents and get them to view things as they do? To develop a point of view, adolescents must be able to see how their ideas differ from those of others. Interactions that focus on differences and similarities provide important developmental experiences; they can also involve conflict. Conflict itself is not necessarily bad. In the context of clarifying a position, it can help adolescents gain a sense of what they believe. (I believe this interaction helps the adolescent to get beyond adolescent egocentrism because not everyone sees things as they do). For adolescents to have their ideas challenged without experiencing this as criticism, a supportive family atmosphere is important. In fact, adolescents’ experience of support is generally unrelated to conflicts with parents. The Process of Identity Consolidation Prior to adolescence, children’s identities reflect a simple identification with parents. Identity Formation (involves individuation): Adolescents move beyond the identity organizations they had as children by synthesizing elements of their earlier identity into a new whole, one that bears the personal stamp of their own interest, values, and choices. Individuation gives adolescents a set of attitudes and ways of acting that are genuinely their own; however they must still put these together into a working whole that reflects an inner sense of self (consolidation doe not occur until late adolescents or early adulthood, when choices about jobs, college, and relationships force identity issues to a head. Identity, for Erikson, derives from, as well as directs, the adolescent’s commitment to occupational, religious, political, and gender role values. Adolescents who achieve a personal identity appreciate their uniqueness even while realizing all they have in common with others. Experience in making decisions for themselves has given them feedback about their strong and weak points, and they are less dependent on others’ judgments in evaluating themselves. 5 Identity: The Normative Crisis of Adolescence Erik Erikson Normative Crisis (Normative: refers to a standard, a pattern, something that is predictable and regular. Crisis: means something out of the ordinary, something that violates the pattern, that doesn’t happen every day). Identity Crisis: describes something that all of us have experienced, and have taken for granted, but would have no difficulty recognizing once it is labeled, something that is, despite the upset, quite normative. Similarly crisis refers not to some imminent catastrophe but, rather to a developmental turning point in which the individual must choose one course or another simply because it is no longer possible to continue as before. Erikson believed adolescents have to confront “old troubles” in arriving at an identity. Identity: refers to the sense of self that we achieve through examining and committing ourselves to the roles and pursuits that define an adult in our society. It gives us a sense of who we are, of knowing what is “me” and what is “not me.” It allows us to experience a continuity of self over time. We can relate what we have done in the past to what we hope to do in the future, to our ambitions and dreams. Finally, our perception of self includes how others see us, the importance they attach to our values and accomplishments. Ones new maturity grows out of familiar issues, old troubles, that are approached in new ways. Variations on a Theme of Identity Identity Statuses – James Marcia Most of the work we do on our identity takes place in adolescence. Achieving a personal identity is not an easy process. Adolescents must be willing to take risks and live with uncertainty. Some of the uncertainty comes from exploring possibilities and options in life that differ from those chosen by one’s parents. Most adolescents expect this exploration to be risky (but do they all want to take the risks and face the consequences?). Adolescents form their identities both by taking on new ways of being and by excluding others. It is every bit as important to let go of their fantasies and commit themselves to a definite course of action as it is to challenge the familiar by exploring possibilities never even considered by their parents or families. 6 Marcia identifies Two Dimension of the Identity Process -Exploration: for what fits best -Commitment: Marcia distinguishes four ways by which adolescents arrive at the roles and values that define their identities (Identity Statuses that are defined in terms of the dimensions of commitment and exploration): Identity Achievement: searching for life options that fit them best (identity formation results). Leads to commitment Identity Foreclosure: adopting their parents values (leaves parental identifications unchallenged and unchanged). Leads to commitment. Moratorium: adolescents begin to evaluate life options but don’t close off certain possibilities because the decisions are too momentous to risk a mistake; as a result these adolescents remain uncommitted to any path. Adolescents do not challenge parental identifications for fear their choices may be wrong. Identity Diffusion: other adolescents remain uncommitted for the opposite reason: failure to see the importance of choosing one option over any other. Adolescents here fail to challenge earlier identifications because they lack a sense of urgency that would prompt them to make decisions that would distinguish them as individuals. Archer (1989)-> The process of reorganizing earlier identifications continues into late adolescence and beyond. She found that adolescents she interviewed, relatively few were in either the moratorium or identity-achieved status by twelfth grade. Self-definition in areas of occupational choices, religious and political beliefs, and gender roles continues into early adulthood. Half of college students studied remained foreclosed or diffused at the end of the study. Discussion->Do you believe there are reason why adolescents here in the US remain uncommitted for such a long time? Maturity with Age Identity Achieved Adolescents->with exploration and commitment->most mature Identity Diffused Adolescents->nether is evident->least mature Attachment Theory: adolescents who have secure attachment to a caregiver in childhood are associated with markers of maturity such as resilience and social competence, later in development. Adolescents who are classified as securely attached are more likely to be identity achieved; insecurely attached adolescents will be identity diffused. What of moratorium (more mature) and foreclosed statuses? 7 defined in terms of issues of relatedness and responsibility to others. For women the dimensions to identity will be exploration, commitment, and relatedness. Relatedness has a role in defining the process of exploration in females. In some cases, relationship implications set limits to exploration (adopting ones lifestyle to traditional beliefs; taking an intellectual stand). Females face a need to balance competing occupational and interpersonal commitments, involving them in “meta-decisions” across domains. Taken together, the research on gender reveals that the process of identity formation is comparable for adolescents of either sex. Contributions of Ethnicity to Identity Development Because of sense of self reflects an awareness of how others see us, cultural values as well as individual experiences contribute to the development of identity. Erikson (1968) noted that minorities who groups are devalued by society risk internalizing the negatives views of society and can develop negative identities. Ethnic Identity: contributions include social networks, which widen in adolescence; broader intellectual horizons helps to recognize the existence of racial and ethnic overtones in local and national issues. The boundaries that define one’s group provide members with a feeling of belonging. When boundaries are clear, they allow adolescents to distinguish between their own and other groups, and result in stronger ethnic identity (some boundaries maintained within the group and others are imposed by the dominant culture). Internal boundaries come about through identifying with others in one’s group (adopting values, attitudes, and perspectives of one’s group). Interactions with those outside the group provide a second type of boundary, through which minority adolescents experience the social opportunities and constraints that exist for members of their group (don’t marry outside of your race; don’t go across the railroad track). The status of one’s group within society is an important component of ethnic identity. Adolescents experience a strong ethnic identity when they are with their family or speaking their parents’ native language, but feel part of the dominant culture when with others from that culture, at school. There is a need for ethnic pride. In the process of acculturation, external behaviors of minority adolescents frequently become less distinct from those of the majority culture whereas attitudes and values remain unchanged. Components of ethnic identity may be more resistant to change than others because they are more central (assimilation doesn’t mean a loss of ethnic identity). Core aspects of ethnic identity differ little. Ethnic group membership is important. Steps in Forming an Ethnic Identity (Cross, 1987) Pre-encounter Stage: individuals identify with the dominant culture; they notice differences but do not consider them important 10 Encounter Stage: with minority adolescents experience discrimination which precipitate an awareness of membership in their ethnic group; this stage is the turning point in the development of an ethnic identity where there is a turning from the ways and values of the dominant culture and a taking on of those in their ethnic group. Immersion Stage: adolescents immerse themselves in the ways of their ethnic group, developing a high degree of awareness and evaluation of those ways, along with a devaluation of those of the dominant culture; the stage is characterized by activism or even militancy. Internalization Stage: adolescents become able to appreciate themselves and others as individuals and to recognize differences that don’t always correspond to group membership. Attitudes toward the dominant culture are less negative (which reflect personal characteristic). This reflects healthy racial attitudes. 3 Stages of Ethnic Identity Development Unexamined Ethnic Identity: when minority adolescents avoid exploring the implication of their ethnicity and remain committed to the values of the dominant culture. They have internalized the values and attitudes of the dominant culture in a way similar to foreclosed adolescents, and have little understanding of issues related to their ethnicity. Ethnic Identity Search: moratorium stage; are involved in exploring the meaning of their ethnicity and may experience a growing conflict between values of the dominant culture and those of their ethnic group. Achieved Ethnic Identity: adolescents here have a clear sense of their ethnicity that reflects their feelings of belonging and emotional identification; they have little defensiveness and show confidence in their ethnicity. Achieving a Bicultural Identity How do minority adolescents identify themselves with respect to two cultures to which they belong? Adolescents think of themselves as bicultural. Differences exist among them in the ways in which they integrate the two cultures. Group 1: Blended Biculturals-> sees themselves to be equally members of their ethnic group and of the wider culture, expressing a strong sense of being American without denying their ethnicity. Issues are resolved either by combining elements of both cultures or by de-emphasizing differences. They are more likely to see the US culture as inclusive, and also as diverse, thus making it possible to see themselves as fitting in. Group 2: Alternating Biculturals-> their ethnicity is more central to their sense of themselves than with being an American. They think of themselves differently depending on where they were or who they were with, such as feeling more American at 11 school and more ethnic at home. The distinguishing factor between the two groups was their identification with the U.S. culture. Those who identity was more situational, has less of a sense of connection with being American. Group 3: Separated Biculturals-> The particular situation they were in had little effect on their sense of identity; instead they saw themselves primarily in terms of their ethnicity in all situations and did not think of themselves as very American. When cultural issues arise, they deal with them by keeping the two cultures distinct. “I do not see myself as part of America.” The Self The search for identity is a central task facing all adolescents. Brought together by Two Forces… “Who am I?” Puberty: radically altered bodies that have become as comfortable as an old shoe. The shoe begins to pinch when adolescents develop the physiques, feelings, and cognitive capacities of adults. Psychosocial Expectations: adolescents are expected to be more adult; to start making decisions for themselves, to be responsible, to plan for their futures. Self Concept: Who Am I? (A set of beliefs about the self) Each of us has a theory about ourself. It helps to explain how we feel, what we like or do not like, what we are good at, and why. This is the self-concept, which is a way of explaining and interpreting the facts one experience in daily life, a way of constructing the self. Adolescents’ abilities to relate isolated events in terms of more general principles allow them to pull different experiences together into general assumptions about themselves (conclusion: thinking of oneself as athletic or talented; I’m competent [good student] or I’m responsible [holds down a part-time job]). Both adolescents are making generalizations about themselves from specific experiences. The capacity for self-reflection that comes with adolescence brings with it a concern about personality in general thoughts about oneself in particular. The belief adolescents have about themselves determine many of their emotional reactions. The beliefs central to their sense of self are determined by how they react when these ideas are challenged. An adolescent who values independence will find himself in frequent arguments whenever someone tells him that he cannot do something. One who values his competence will resent having anyone tell him he is not able to manage a task. Because so many of the beliefs about the self in adolescence are recently formulated, they lack experiential support. As a consequence, adolescents’ new self-concepts are particularly vulnerable to disconfirming evidence. Adolescents spend a lot of time and 12 People who don’t like themselves frequently feel ashamed and are unwilling to let others get close. Often they feel it is necessary to put a front to look better or to use their relationship to prove to themselves that they are acceptable. These approaches block intimacy, either by not being open with the other person or by using that person for one’s own needs. Adolescents who feel negative about themselves are likely to handle their feelings of depression and anxiety in ways that block self-knowledge, by escaping into alcoholism or drug abuse, seeking distractions, such as TV, or finding substitutes such as eating. Intimacy with Others Self-disclosure is important to intimacy. Adolescents who are intimate share their thoughts and feelings with each other. It takes time to develop, as adolescents learn to trust one another with increasing personal aspects of themselves. Self-disclosure has to be mutual to be comfortable. Adolescents who are willing to share personal experiences when they can trust will respect their confidence. Trust takes time and requires some testing of the waters. This kind of trust requires a commitment to a relationship. Intimacy and Identity: Different Paths to Maturity Erikson believed that identity is a necessary precursor to intimacy. He wrote that, true engagement with others is the result and the test of firm self-delineation. Intimacy assumes developmental significance for Erikson only after identity has been achieved. Development in females takes place on an interpersonal track. Competence for females is more likely to the form of increasingly complex interpersonal skills. As girls more into adolescence, their social networks relate to their self-esteem and to their perceived self- competence across a variety of areas. Intimacy for females is a process by which they define themselves; female adolescents achieve self-definition through intimacy, through their relationship with others. Intimacy, or personal development, among women is identity and resides not in the choice of a man, but in the development, differentiation, and mastery of ways of being with others, that meet her standards for taking care, that connect her meaningfully to others, and that locate her in an interpersonal network. If relationships assume different developmental significance for females, we should expect to see gender differences in levels of intimacy during adolescence. Intimacy statuses reflect commitment to and depth of relationships. Significantly more females are in the higher intimacy statuses than males. Males are not as prepared for relationships as females. For females intimacy is means by which identity is resolved. Developmental Issues in Adolescence 15 1 Development requires a modification of, significant relationships with parents. Adolescents achieve a sense of themselves with their relationship with their parents. Cooper (1986) found that attachment and separation are not opposites but are different aspects of the same process. Task 1: to break ties with parents-> this is either accomplished or it isn’t; they either separate or remain attached Task 2: renegotiate relationship with parents to achieve mutuality and equality-> they can separate as persons and remain emotionally connected or attached. 2 A second challenge to development as progressive separation and individuation comes from attempts to chart female development. These attempts bring a new awareness of the male bias. Interpretations often reflect the personal experiences of the theorist and are not universal. And most personality theorists have been males. Males: vocation, political views, and religion->Autonomy Females: women define themselves->Relationships Dimensions of Relatedness We will know people better if we knew how they are with others and what they want from them->Relationship Josselson (1992) Theory of Connectedness (8 Dimensions)-> The dimensions are independent of one another, one not being reducible to the other, and develop more or less simultaneously rather than as stepwise stages. Also, either the absence of each form of relatedness in a person’s life or the excessive indulgence of it is pathological. The first four dimensions-holding, attachment, passionate experience, and eye-to-eye validation - are present either from birth or shortly thereafter. The second four do not develop until later-Idealization and Identification; Mutuality and Resonance; Embeddedness; Tending and Care. Idealization and embeddedness require that one experience the self apart from others as well as see that self in relation to those others, both of which require a certain cognitive maturity. Gender Differences in Relatedness Differences in Expression of Relatedness Females: describe greater complexity to their relationships; relationships evolve over time. Female relationships are more immediate and experiential. Females need some measure of “affective coloring” before they experience an exchange as relational. Females gain a sense of themselves through relationships, through being. Girls are liked for ill-defined qualities, such as responsiveness to others, self-confidence, playfulness, and charm. Females are more comfortable experiencing mutuality. For women, the regulation of closeness and distance, and the shared experience of emotion is the essence of relating. Eye-to-eye Validation is important-> because their sense of self is rooted 16 more deeply in others’ response to them. Females are more apt to draw their strength from those who are close at hand. Males: approach their relationships in more straightforward and simple terms; see relationships as more static (fixed) than dynamic, more as products that, once arrive at, will remain that way. Males tend to fit their relationships into an abstract conceptual system (intellectual exchanges feel relational; admiring someone you have not met). Males gain a sense of themselves through their actions, through doing. Males evaluate themselves in term of what they can do, their skills and accomplishment. Passionate experience that is expressed sexual is a driving force in males’ relationships. Because knowing oneself is tied to action and doing, identification and idealization are tied to males. Males’ ambitions are personalized through identification with figures, who are bigger than life, heroes to be identified and modeled. Because of these factors, gender differences in relatedness are to be expected. A Definition of Maturity Maturity-> involves movement toward a greater capacity for relationships. Contributing to this capacity are assertion and autonomy. Adolescents of both genders work out their identities in the context of continuing relationships with others, and males as well as females face intimacy as a central issue leading to adulthood. Each has a need for separateness and attachment, for inclusion and exclusion. Each of these creates tensions, but to give in to one and not strive for balance is to forfeit some degree of maturity. http://www.coe.iup.edu/briscoe/edsp373/Chapter5.doc 17